Money

Money... It is such a great and wonderful thing. Except if you dont have any. Then it seems like a torment! Not that I dont have any. But really with student loans, car loans, finishing up paying off those pesky credit cards and financing a wedding I dont have any. Christmas has always been my favorite time of year and yet I find it slipping past me this year. Yes there are still several events that I will take part in but that doesnt make Luca happy and isnt that my number one responsibility aside from making Kenz happy? I thought it was, but last night I came home from shopping and mind you I was grocery shopping not out on a spree at the mall! Luca just ripped my head off about buying Smuckers uncrustables and grapes! Yes because there were grapes in the fridge that didnt get eaten. Sad I know, but still. These will get eaten. I made sure to put some in Kenzies lunch this morning. Actually my momma did, she washed a handful and we sent her to school with a healthy lunch! I felt good but am still irked by his comments from last night. I dont know what to do. I feel as though my excitement for marriage was blinding me and now the reality of marriage is seeping into view. I had a bad bout of spending overload but have learned my lesson and now want to be financially smart! He does not help though with his stupid sarcastic comments. He angers me and makes me want to go out and spend all my money! Now I know that wouldnt hurt him and would only hurt me. So I wont. But we dont talk about it, we just argue about it and then the silence starts. Thankfully I live at home so I can talk to my mom, but the evening was ruined!!! As it usually is when we spend it together. Oh wow... do you hear this... sounds like a FABULOUS start to a marriage huh? Is it crazy to get married? Shoudl we call the whole thing off? I cant be fathered by my husband and as long as I have to drive 30 minutes to and from work 5 days a week I will spend my money how and when I please. If that is a problem then I can quit. I will stay home and wont need new clothes or shoes. I would have time to plant a garden and make things from scratch. That would save money. If that is how he wants it then we can definitely make that happen. Lets see what he says about that!